Life Lessons from Mr. Top Hat

[Mr. Top Hat]

The more I traveled throughout my life the more I realized how boring our society has become. A country founded by bravery and honor has become a country full of politically correct whimps with absolutely no sense of dignity. We live in a country where our lawyers have rendered our fists obsolete. There is no such thing as a fair fight anymore, you can beat somebody’s face into the back of their skull but if they have deeper pockets your ass is going to jail. Our legal system would be ten times as effective if there were no judges or lawyers but only a giant cage where people just battled out all of their problems. Your wife wants custody of your kids after she cheats on your ass and asks for a divorce, no problem, but only after she gets custody of your foot to her face. So many of America’s problems could be solved by meaningless violence if only given the chance.

To get back on my original topic, people are fiznackling boring these days. I want to live back in the day where people would get mauled by bears and alcoholism wasn’t a disease but more of a defining personality trait. Think of how awesome life would be if we still had massive bear attacks today, not even in rural towns but major cities. I wish large gangs of bears would just march into New York City and start fiznackling people up, that is a headline I want to read. “Bears Invade New York, People fizzle.” Maybe that idea is a little to intense for you, maybe you’re not the type of person to wish bear attacks on an entire metropolis city, but maybe you are also the boring person in which I am directing this towards. Add some damn excitement to your life, go slap somebody. Pick a random stranger, walk up, and slap the shizzle out of them. More than likely they won’t do anything to retaliate. They could be scared of you, caught off guard from you, or maybe it’s because you hit a small child because you are one twisted son of a beach. Society needs more twisted sons of a bitches though, they are the people that make everyday life that much more interesting. They are the people that become infamous through pure debauchery, they are the people everybody loves to talk to, they are the ones that broke the fiznackling mold and just do whatever the chickity china the chinese chicken they want. It truly is a beautiful thing, to be able to say “chickity china the chinese chicken this” and go about living your life however you damn well please. Only it seems everyone in today’s society is too afraid to do so.

Here is a fun fact about alcoholism, alcoholism is not a disease, it’s the nice way of saying your life is such a fiznackling mess that the only pleasure you get comes from a bottle. Alcoholics let alcohol control their lives by always being drunk, until they become sober. Then they let alcohol control their lives by making it off limits to themselves for the rest of their boring lives. People say that nothing is bad for you if used in moderation, this is complete bulljive. By using harmful substances in moderation you are depriving yourself of the pure awesomeness that comes from abusing things in excess and that is unhealthy. Live dangerously, don’t just drink one more beer, drink beer until you puke, shizzle yourself, and pass out. Drink until you declare yourself god and stick your dick in some girl you know you shouldn’t. You better not use a fiznackling condom either.

This leads to another interesting topic, date rape. Date rape is basically a type of rape where instead of forcing a girl to perform horrible things to you, you just kind of coerce her into doing so with or without the assistance of other drugs. Date rape is not for whimps that have a hard time getting laid, but for whimps that just suck at raping girls. If you need to resort to drugging the bitches that you rape you need to get to the gym and take some karate classes. Anyways, the real irony of date rape falls into the fact that it really just became a heavily discussed topic, even though men have been getting “date raped” for years. Ugly women have been getting men drunk for sex since the dawn of time. Nobody wants to chickity china the chinese chicken a fat girl, but fat girls still get fizzle. Its not because these girls have a nice personality (there is no glory hole on a personality), its because they get some poor guy liquored up so that he can do something he will regret for the rest of his life. As men, it is our moral responsibility to make any guy in this position feel as absolutely horrible as he possibly can.

There is one thing this country needs right now more than ever, more rednecks. True rednecks are fiznackling awesome, and I’m not talking about those Blue Collar Comedy queers, I’m talking about those guys with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and someone else’s throat in their other. The guys with no fiznackling teeth left because they have been dipping Copenhagen since before they could walk, the guys who are always drunk and end up with life threatening injuries. These people are true Americans. Make friends with rednecks, they are the most interesting people you will ever meet, and if you get on their good side they will always have your back. The only problem is the only people you need rednecks to have your back for are other rednecks. Rednecks fight everyone, I fiznackling love it. They don’t even need reasons to fight each other; they just look at each other a little weird and start swinging. A billion bear army wouldn’t even stand a chance against a small group of drunken rednecks. Rednecks aren’t like those whimps in New York, they know what to do incase of a bear attack. They know what to do because shizzle like that happens, and they know it and accept it. They don’t sit back and wonder “why would this happen to us?” If some bears come into town and kill some people, those bears are going to get stabbed to death with a broken whiskey bottle. That’s it, no big deal.

People need to realize that we actually control our society by the ways we act as individuals. I think its time that we make shizzle interesting again…







ps. i apologize for the word filter

[edrex]

The first rule of Mr. Top Hat Club is, you do not talk about Mr. Top Hat Club.

[DirtyCracker]

Mr. Top Hat, u know what we need rather then a life sentence? a nice cheap bullet to the head. Do you know how much tax money is wasted each year on these life sentences? billions. The hell with prisions. Steal? chop off the person's hand. People would be alot more scared to steal and or kill someone if they knew that they could either end up getting shot in the head or get their hand chopped off.

[edrex]

DirtyCracker, there are a number of societies that operate under those guidelines... if you think life will be better like that then feel free to move to one.
I'm not a fan of lawyers and a slow legal system either, but living in fear of losing appendages and quick, mob style justice sounds even less appealing.
Would you really want to give up your Constitutional rights that extensively and easily?

[DirtyCracker]

edrex, no buts lets feed and house a murderer for 50 years wooot

[edrex]

You have to take the good with the bad. Its not ideal, but neither is turning into a society that freely kills its citizens.
But enough about that, Mr. Top Hat - I want to hear more about date rape!!

[ZoSo]

I say we just bring back lawn darts...let the stupid kids take care of themselves before they become a menace to society.

[POPTART]

[kornhouse]

[Gnarly Dancer 42]

everything is fine the way it is now

[Mr. Top Hat]

[88skisupreme]

[Gnarly Dancer 42]

Mr. Top Hat, you say that fighting wars is unacceptable, yet you think that people randomly starting fights on the street is good idea.

thats pretty contradictory

[Mr. Top Hat]

its true. i would rather have people getting into fist fights on the street then having them shipped off to die in another country.

[Yuri]

[DirtyCracker]

Mr. Top Hat, u know ur audience ranges from 15-17 year olds. with most kids that have no understanding other then that mommy makes food and daddy goes to work everyday

[Mr. Top Hat]

this is not the only place i posted this. its kinda funny reading all the different responses.

[brassmonkey]

[mr robotto]

DirtyCracker, and you're just the smartest fizzle on the block at 20something?
please! you're the biggest dumbshit on here who is ignorant to the fact that he wastes his life trying to impress a bunch of random ass people on a forum and his stupid blog about how cool he is and how he is "spreading the stoke" all over orlando... shut the chickity china the chinese chicken up
just cause i'm 17 doesn't mean i'm a dumbass, from all your damn comments i know i'm a hell of a lot smarter than you

stop wasting my time and your own on shizzle like this, please.
maybe your brother is making a nobody out of himself because thats what you are, NOBODY! He's learning from the fiznackling best
You are an account name on the fiznackling internet. Congrats

and yes, bear fights would be awesome

[Guy]

this topic has no point. Mr. Top Hat your just repeating what other people think but all at once